Proverbs 6:16-19
There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
We live in a world where answers to questions are found quickly and conveniently at our fingertips. If you’re ever wondering about something or have questions about something…Google it. I’ve been unknowingly playing a game that I’m not familiar with. I’ve probably been subjected to it many times throughout my life but haven’t been aware until recently there is a name to this game. It’s called bullying.
The personality of a bully is one that I don’t understand. Their game is one that my brain can’t seem to wrap itself around let alone know how to play because I don’t know the rules. You see, I don’t understand why or how someone can purposely hurt another. Why it feels so good to tear someone down or make them look like someone they’re not. I don’t understand a mind that wants to make themselves look bigger and more powerful at the expense of others. I don’t understand the mind of a bully.
When I think of bullying, I think of children and playgrounds and thugs who pick on someone because they are different. I never really thought about what happens when bullies grow up…they grow up into adult bullies. Adults who hurt people to gain power and prestige. To be the one who glories in the limelight at the expense of someone else. Adults who were also the children pushing the little guy down in the playground simply because they could.
According to Jason Phelps, a Canadian psychotherapist:
“Bullying is to make oneself feel better or stronger. To appear more dominant in the eyes of others-at the expense of others. Bullying is to pick out the one person in the crowd that can be picked on – often the easiest target – and the bully will continuously harass and develop a circle around them of people that are friends that they relate to that laugh with them and joke at the expense of the person being harassed and bullied.”
Hmmm…why though? As an adult, why does someone feel it necessary to bully another adult? After doing a considerable amount of reading and researching, I discovered qualities of the one a bully will target:
- Being good at your job.
- Being popular with people.
- The bully fears exposure of their inadequacy and incompetence. Your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear.
- Being the expert and the person to whom people come to for advice, getting more attention than the bully.
- Having a well-defined set of values which you will not compromise.
- Having a sense of integrity.
- Jealousy and envy are strong motivators of bullying
- Showing independence of thought or deed.
Being bullied is very confusing and there seems so little justification for it. How does the bully make the target’s life miserable?
- Unwarranted or invalid criticism while ignoring achievement.
- Undermine in front of others, raise false concerns, or express doubts over a person’s performance or standard of work, however unsubstantiated this may be.
- Regularly choose the target by offensive remarks and language or give the silent treatment.
- Degrade, threaten, or humiliate.
- Overload a person with work or have all their work taken away and replaced with inappropriate jobs.
- Increase someone’s responsibility but remove his/her authority.
- Encourage you to feel guilty and to believe you are always the one at fault.
- Lie to others about the one being bullied.
- Not a team player.
- A bully likes to play people against each other. If a bully does not succeed in watching others destroy each other, he will move. Sometimes, though, it doesn’t happen until the target has been eliminated from the bully’s life.
- Serial bullies are very good at deceiving and manipulating. Do not underestimate any bully.
A bully’s bad behavior is entirely his or her responsibility. It’s not mine – no matter what may be told to me. It’s based on the desire to control and manipulate.
Proverbs 22:10
Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.
*Scoffer – someone who jeers or mocks or treats something with contempt or calls out in derision.
*Derision – the feeling that people express when they criticize and laugh at someone or something in an insulting way
It’s interesting to me that I realized this unfamiliar game last week during Holy Week. As I was researching the how’s and why’s of this game, I couldn’t find what I really needed to find…how to play the game. It was at church on Good Friday that I heard something which made me take note of the bullies in Jesus’ life. As our Pastor was talking, I felt he was talking directly to me about the game. I needed to hear how Jesus played the game. How did Jesus react to the bullies in his life?
Isaiah 53:7
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
John 18:19-23
The high priest then questioned Jesus about his disciples and his teaching. Jesus answered him, “I have spoken openly to the world. I have always taught in synagogues and in the temple, where all Jews come together. I have said nothing in secret. Why do you ask me? Ask those who have heard me what I said to them; they know what I said.” When he had said these things, one of the officers standing by struck Jesus with his hand, saying, “Is that how you answer the high priest?” Jesus answered him, “If what I said is wrong, bear witness about the wrong; but if what I said is right, why do you strike me?”
Matthew 27:12
When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer.
Isaiah 53:7
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
Mark 14:61
But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer. Again the high priest asked him, “Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed One?”
“Conscious of His own integrity, Jesus ignored both judge and accusers, to the discomfort of both. Jesus had counseled His disciples not to “cast pearls before swine,” to waste their nuggets of truth on those who would not appreciate them (Mt. 7:6), and He was practicing His own precept.
Why? Why did Jesus remain silent when he could have strongly told his accusers who he was and what he was there to do?
Integrity can afford silence. In rules of debate, debaters are told that when their
arguments are weak in content, substance, to resort to rhetoric that will distract the attention away from the strength, the logic, of the argument of the opponent.Silence then spoke to Jesus’ integrity. His case stood on its own merit. There was no need for Jesus to mesmerize people with impressive, eloquent rhetoric! There was no need to pound the pulpit. No matter how great the provocation, Jesus never descended to abuse or retaliation. Even when struck in the face by a representative of the high priest simply because He had rightly suggested the propriety of calling witnesses to establish the Sanhedrin’s (the equivalent of our Supreme Court) case, Jesus replied with dignity and restraint. He merely asserted His right to fair treatment in the ecclesiastical court (Jn 18:22-23). Restraint marked His reaction throughout. He maintained a dignified calmness and composure.
Silence can scream in our relationships as well. It can speak more powerfully than words ever can. When we treat another human being to a cold dose of silence, we are rendering our judgment on that individual. We are saying that this person is beyond hope, that we do not consider him or her worthy of any attempt at communication. We pour our utter contempt by our silence.”
–THE ELOQUENT SILENCE OF CHRIST
There! I had it. I had finally figured out what the trump card was in this game – silence. This might be a bit of a challenge for me, though. You see, when someone kicks me, my initial reaction is to kick back. I have to defend myself and my reasons for doing or saying what I did. Right? What I learned on Good Friday was to remain silent. It’s not that I’m backing down or allowing someone to step on me, I would, instead, be reinforcing what I did or what I said was the right thing. Integrity can afford the silence.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
However, when the time comes that I must prove myself, you can guarantee I will be ready. I keep really great records and better yet…I know the One who is teaching me the rules of this game!
…and pray for the kicker.